Cheesy Songs: A Thesis in One Act
What makes a song cheesy?
What does the human brain recognize as “cheesy”?
In linguistics, when studying a language construct, linguists attempt to define the fewest number of rules that most simply explain the ways that something is done in a language. Having seen many lists of “things” that make a song cheesy, I’ve tried to pare that down to a simple rule.
- In a word, nonsense.
- In more words, a lot of nonsense.
- In more specific words, too much of anything:
- In yet more words, trying to make too much out of what little the singer and/or songwriter has.
- I have the ability to hit squeaky, high notes. Bring ‘em on, Mariah.
- I can hit a high G, and I have an overkill vibrato. Prove it for 4 minutes. “An-n-d A-a-a-a-ee-yigh-igh-ee-yigh-igh-igh will alwa-a-ays lu-u-u-u-u-u-u-uv yoo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-ou!”
- I only have 5 words in my chorus. Add an “and” and prove it for 4 minutes. “An-n-d A-a-a-a-ee-yigh-igh will alwa-a-ays lu-u-u-u-u-u-u-uv yoo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-ou!”
- I only have 4 words in my chorus (or song). Pad it for a few minutes. “toor-a-loor-a-loor-a…” Oh, dang-oh-ouch! Got me. “Mush-a-ring-and-a-doo-and-a…” Damn!
- Too much metaphor. Okay, we won’t tell your heart. Oh. You’re “achy, breaky” heart. Okay, it not only can hold a conversation -metaphor 1- but it is now both achy AND breaky -metaphors 2a and 2b.
One of my favorite things about when people recognize that something is cheesy, they risk nullifying their argument against it by coming up with a new -or plagiarized cool- way of saying it. My friend, Kimberly, once told me of someone who was “oozing cheddar.” I rationalized to myself that she’s just a great lover of irony. I read on the wmbr college radio website (http://www.wmbr.org/cheese.html) many explanations for why songs can end up “in the dairy aisle”, “full of swiss”, and “add limburgher value”. (I love you guys!)
Tags: cheesy+songs bad+lyrics cheddar velveeta guilty+pleasures bad+songs cheesy+lyrics
